Wednesday, February 26, 2014

run on fix


Unedited version:   I always tried my best even if I felt like hope was gone I persevered and it was with this mnemonic device.

 

Edited version: I always tried my best; although I felt like hope was gone, I persevered and it was with this mnemonic device.

 
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1 comment:

  1. Professor A.February 28, 2014 at 6:32 AM

    Your fix is going in the right direction, but you don't address the sentence "and it was with this mnemonic device." That complete sentence needs either to be revised to become a dependent effect of persevering, or its own sentence. I suggest making it part of the object of the sentence "I persevered."

    Edit:

    I always tried my best; although I felt like hope was gone, I persevered with the help of this mnemonic device.

    or,

    "I persevered because of this mnemonic device."

    ReplyDelete

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